I’ve always taken the idea of marriage quite seriously, and I’ve always had a desire to be married, but my whole perspective has changed lately. A few years ago, marriage was all about having this fairytale ending love that could conquer any storm, but as I grow older and closer to God, I realized that love is very important, but a marriage centered around Christ is even more important. Why? Because what happens when the deep, passionate love you have for a person runs out? Do you just end the marriage because you are simply unhappy? Well, that’s what many folks seem to be doing because the divorce rate is so high in this day and age.
But, my answer to my second question is no. You lean on God to guide you and your spouse through those rough times. Now I’m not saying be totally oblivious to things in marriage, but in my opinion, marriage is one of the greatest sacrifices a human being can make. Not only are you vowing to die to self every single day and compromise on every aspect of life, but you are also entering into a covenant with God. God created marriage and marriage is til death do you part; which is a HUGE responsibility! You are willingly signing up to be with a man or woman for the REST of your life, so you better make sure it’s the right choice. But today’s society has watered down the covenant of marriage. It has become a legality or a “piece of paper,” that can be thrown out as soon as one or both parties get tired of each other. There’s no true commitment anymore, because it’s so easy to get out of marriage now.
I’m currently taking a pre-marital class at my church that is taught by my pastor and his wife and it’s brilliant. My pastor said that the covenant of marriage is basically proof that God is real. You know how a rainbow is proof that God would never destroy the world by flood again? Well, marriage is God’s promise that he is alive and can create such a beautiful union and KEEP it together. I’m beyond ecstatic that I am in this class because I was about to make the huge mistake of jumping into marriage solely because I thought I was in love about two years ago, and I guarantee that if I would’ve went through with it, I would be a divorcee talking to you right now. I say all this to say, love your mate BUT also have a relationship with God because he is truly the reason that marriages last. The more you include God into your marriage, the more abundance and joy you will experience; which leads me to my next epiphany….
So about a year or two ago, Sandra sent me a link to take the 5 Love Languages Test, and I did it. I wasn’t quite sure of my language, but I had an idea of what it was. Turns out my primary love language is Quality Time. Deep down I’ve always known this, yet I could never put it into words or vocalize it when my love tank felt empty in relationships. Currently, I am reading the 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman. This book is one of the recommended readings for the pre-marital class I’m taking. I’ve literally been digesting it like daily bread LOL and it has even led me to a HUGE epiphany, which was totally mind blowing.
In the Quality Time chapter, Chapman says that quality time means giving someone your undivided attention. Then he gives an example of a couple named Andrea and Mark. Andrea’s primary love language was Quality Time, but her husband wasn’t aware of it. He spent countless hours at working and providing for his family because he loved them, but Andrea felt like Mark wasn’t making an effort to also make time for her. But, in his eyes he was making sure his family was financially stable. All she wanted was for Mark to focus on her, and give her some of his time, which is when she felt loved the most. After reading their scenario I was flabbergasted! I have literally been Andrea in EVERY SINGLE relationship!
This kind of made me sad, but at the same time happy that I finally figured out a huge chunk of why none of my relationships have worked thus far. I was sad because I thought about how my need for Quality Time was never met or really cared about in the past. I always felt misunderstood and like I wasn’t important because I have never been in a relationship with a man who knew how to speak my love language and keep my love tank full. My love tank has been on empty for years. I was always competing with a phone, the Xbox, the TV or some other distraction.
Spending time with someone I care about makes me feel loved the most and makes me feel appreciated and thought about. I mean what woman doesn’t like being taken on a spontaneous date? That shows us that you actually took the time to plan something special, so you can only imagine how the ‘let’s chill’ and ‘what do you wanna do’ texts despise me LOL.
The sadness of past relationships soon faded away, and I was relieved that I could finally express my love language and verbalize it when my tank is on E.