Are Men Stuck in Neverland?

Hey Queens! We’re back from a two week vacation! Hopefully you didn’t miss our posts too much. So, this post was totally unplanned, and it actually isn’t even my day to post, but I had to give y’all some serious tea! As you can see, the title of this post is asking a question that too many of us women have been asking about men… Do they really never want to grow up? Plenty of men probably want to throw daggers at me after reading this, but all I have to say is that this has been my experience with a lot of men. I’m not saying that all men are stuck in an immature phase, but some are, so let’s get into this tea!

So yesterday, I experienced a “date” from hell. Well maybe not hell, but it was super cringeworthy. I went out for frozen yogurt with a man I met a few days ago at a social that a friend and I attended. That day, we only conversed for about five minutes, so I couldn’t really read him. A lot of times I can read a guy off the jump and know that I’m not going to give him my number, but this guy seemed cool; he seemed respectful, so I gave him my number. *PAUSE* Let me give you some quick background…I am known for being a bit shallow. I’ll definitely admit it. It’s not because I think I’m the best looking woman on the planet, but for me physical attraction is important and it’s the first thing that kind of interests me in a man. However, God has been dealing with me about my shallow nature and he told me that I could be missing out on some great guys if I only look at the exterior during the first meeting. With this in mind, I looked past me not being physically attracted to the guy who asked for my number, but instead focused on how nice he seemed.

Fast forward a few days to yesterday when he asked me to meet up with him… So the beginning of this “date” was pretty cool. We discussed high school sports, college, occupation, etc. There were some awkward pauses, but everything seemed to be cool. Then all of a sudden he said “what else?” In my head I’m like “huh? I told you enough for a first date.” So I go on to ask him what he meant and he said it again. At this point I’m just like “Dude, I just met you. Let’s keep it on the surface.” Plus I’m also known for being too much of an open book. I overshare and create emotional intimacy way too quick, so in order to curb that, I try to reveal little by little about myself. Everyone doesn’t deserve to see my heart. OK, back to the date… so we decided to go on a walk after frozen yogurt and was hoping he would redeem himself, but before we headed to the lake, he told me that I can’t be a blogger without an opinion. Now if you know me, you know I can’t hide my facial expressions. I probably gave him the meanest side eye action LOL. But, I didn’t want to assume that I understood him correctly, so I asked what he meant. This dude went on to say it again and I’m like “So just because I’m reserved I don’t have an opinion? You haven’t even asked me many questions so what would I have an opinion about?” At this point I’m like “Excuse me? bye boy!”

But, instead of being rude, I still went to the lake with him. We start walking around and then we finally find a bench. So I guess this is the part where he tried to pick my brain and see if I really had an opinion *side eye.* He asks me about my thoughts on Colin Kaepernick, Donald Trump, etc. and I gave him my honest opinion. I’m guessing it shocked him because he looked like he lit up a bit. *Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.* Anyways, we got into a conversation about introvert v. extrovert and I told him that I’m an introvert and enjoy being alone. He’s obviously an extrovert and felt the need to make me feel like I was mentally ill. He said that it’s not normal to want to be alone. So I was looking at this dude like “Dang. You’re really painting me into the lady with 27 cats” LOL. Just because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I don’t like being around people. I love people and I love company, but for the most part, I enjoy watching movies by myself.

Then we got into a conversation about partying, drinking, and smoking. He asked me if I drink and smoke and I said I drink wine, and I don’t smoke but I used to (weed). THIS DUDE SAYS “OH NO VICES? YOU’RE JUST MISS GOODIE TWO SHOES HUH?” When I tell you I wanted to read him for filth!!!!!

antoine-dodson-dumb1

But of course God allowed me to hold my tongue. I told him that just because I don’t rely on vices, doesn’t mean I’m perfect. After that, I checked out of the conversation. I was polite and kept answering questions when he asked, but that was a total turn off. He also mentioned that he parties a lot and that he’d rather date a former thot because she would have sexual experience. I wanted to puke. Oh, and he also told me that I wouldn’t have fun in Vegas because I’m too “chill.” Lets just say that he annoyed me and I have never been on a “date” where I’ve been so judged and lowkey insulted. The fact that he tried to make me feel bad for living for Christ is what really irked me, but I thank God for showing me his character so quickly.

So this is where the title of this post comes in… do men really want to stay young forever? This man is 30 and still worrying about turning up!! I’m only 23, so I would expect that by 30 you’ve retired the jersey, but I guess not. This has not only been my experience with GROWN men, but almost all my friends have experienced it and even older women that I know. That date lowkey discouraged me and of course that’s exactly what the devil wanted, but God stepped in and reminded me that my Boaz is on his way. I just really thank God for discernment and helping me weed out the men who would ruin my life.


What are your experiences with men? Do you feel this way too? Men, is there a stigma against growing up and settling down?

XO, Jess

 

 

6 thoughts on “Are Men Stuck in Neverland?

  1. sandrakoranteng says:

    I used to tell my sister-in-law who is 4 years older than me that I wanted to date a man that is her age because we would be in the same space mentally. She would always laugh at this and say that means nothing. This post really signifies that. Age will not mature you; experience and conviction will. Its all where you’re at in life and how you see yourself. The woman that he wants is a reflection of himself. If you want a woman to be loyal to you, then you won’t want a former, current, future, whatever “thot”. If he wants a “thot” it is probably because he is not willing to commit to her and knows that there is a low level of expectation with a “thot”. Also, if you were never taught the value of a good woman, then what society presents today is what you desire and trust me its a “thot” world. But there are plenty of men who know a woman’s worth and plenty of men after God’s heart, so yes, let’s wait for Boaz. There’s a difference between the story of Boaz and the Princess and the Frog. First Boaz is a real man, not fictional.. Princess and the Frog is purely fictional. We as women need to stop thinking we can change a man! That’s what the Princess and the Frog story tells us. We all have a little bit of ribbit in us, but that doesn’t mean we should settle for the frog. Why can’t we wait for him to become prince? Boaz was a man of God when he met Ruth. Ruth did not kiss Boaz and make him the man he was. That doesn’t mean we see a frog and write him off, but we let him prune and groom to a prince before any type of intimacy, just as we have to be pruned and groomed to a princess. A lot of men will hate me for what was just said. “I want a girl that’s going to ride with me and hold me down. She has to be loyal, etc.” Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’ll wait around while you ribbit all around town. Sorry I just went in on a comment lol.

    P.S. I put thot in quotes because that word makes me cringe, however, I had to keep up with my man’s vocabulary.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ms. Aja Gibbs says:

    I would give him the benefit of the doubt and say that yall are just on different frequencies. Lol
    BUT NOβ€” this just shows what type of mindset he is on. It doesnt match yours. “Where your mindset/ thoughts are, so are you.” So, with that said, he has more growing to do.

    And i like how you mentioned living for christ. That can tell you alot about where someones head is. Cause if you were a man a God, he wouldnt be calling you a “goodie two shoes.” And dont get me started on dating a ‘thot’.. (Side eyes)
    But shout you out for seeing right through his unworthiness!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jessica Gold says:

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I was done after the Thot comment! But yes I totally agree with you Aja. He definitely has a different mindset and it’s sad that it’s a reality in a lot of men in today’s society.

      Like

  3. Marcus Mosiah says:

    Yooooo! Lmao. How often does this happen to Women? I’ve done some things that could probably land me on a Blog but Im only 23. I definitely could not fade that shit at 30.

    Definitely NO stigma against growing up and settling down. Just responsibilties attached to it that most of us arent ready for.(IMO)

    Liked by 1 person

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