Just in case you haven’t been told today or any day, you are beautiful, unique, intelligent, innovative, valued, envied, admired… you are worthy.
I wanted to write this post because we all seem to say that we know our worth, but we constantly forget it. Even me. I thought I knew my worth, but obviously I didn’t until about 2015. 2015 was the year that I truly found myself and learned that I would not compromise ME for anyone or anything. Oddly enough, 2014 was the year of brokenness for me. But, that brokenness needed to happen in order for me to realize my worth and live like it every single day.
Anyways, enough about me. Today is about all you other Queens out there (black, brown, yellow, white, etc.) Do you know your worth? If the answer is yes, you would know that your identity is not made up of what other people perceive you to be or even what you perceive yourself to be at times. You are worth every single thing that God has called you to be. Your identity lies in the breath God breathes into your body everyday, your strength, your big heart, your wide hips, your skinny legs, your kinky hair, your acne-prone skin, your huge birthmark, your interesting taste in music, your quirky personality, your distinct voice. You are God’s creation and have been made perfect in his image, and don’t you for a second be ashamed of it. Embrace every piece of you and love it. There is only one you, so why waste your time trying to be someone else?
This topic has been pressing on my heart for awhile now, so I had to write about it. Not only do we not know our worth when it comes to appearance and personality, but when it comes to men, we seem to lose ALL of our mind. What is it about attention from a man makes us lose our entire being? I’ve seen the most independent and “woke” sisters jump when a brother gives them a little attention. This is something that we ALL need to get in check. I’m sick and tired of seeing my peers degrade themselves because a man is involved. For example, I see so many women playing “baby mama” to men who have not respected them enough to marry them. I’m not saying that just because you have a child out of wedlock, that you should automatically get married because I know things happen, but I am saying that it’s not OK that the “baby mama” is becoming a norm. Then we wonder why the family structure is so broken.
We as women need to require certain things from men. How am I good enough to mother your three children, but I’m not good enough to fully commit to? Does that even make sense? To me it doesn’t, but obviously it does in 2016. No, I’m not judging, but it makes me so sad to see women settling and totally forgetting their worth. You are worth more than just being a “baby mama” or the woman who has been engaged for 10 years. Engagement should actually mean you’re getting married, it shouldn’t be used as a tool to shut you up while he still sleeps with other women.
Then there’s the “ride or die chick” that’s loyal to her man by playing “wife.” I’m sure we have all been there. In 2013 and 2014 I was the best “wife” known to man LOL. This woman gives her man the world. She cooks, cleans, buys extravagant gifts, is available every time he calls, and of course she’s giving up that good cookie. And I’m pretty sure in his head he’s not even thinking about seeing you walk down the altar. I mean, why would he be if you’re giving him everything before he put a ring on it?
We have to take our power back and put responsibility back on our men. If you are not the man’s wife, then he doesn’t deserve to be treated like a husband. Point. Blank. Period. There’s nothing wrong with being a great girlfriend, but when you make too many compromises and cater to him too much before you even know where the relationship is going, he’ll get comfortable. Then before you know it, you’re 40 and still waiting for him to be “ready.” Chile please. Men have been using that ‘I’m not ready’ line to make us feel guilty. It doesn’t take 10 years for him to figure out if he wants you as a wife or not. It’s not rocket science. But once again, we don’t let our intentions be known at the beginning of relationships.
My advice is that if your desire is marriage, then let your man know that marriage is your expectation to make sure you are both on the same page. If you just “go with the flow” or “let things happen,” you can’t be upset when he takes his time or isn’t ready when you are. You shouldn’t have to force a man into marrying you, so if you’re about to give an ultimatum, you’re already heading in the wrong direction. Yes, sometimes men need a push, but if he really envisions you as his wife, he knows the perfect time and it won’t take him forever to decide. KNOW YOUR WORTH AND NEVER SETTLE! If he’s dragging his feet for YEARS, it’s time to throw those deuces up. Stop entertaining dead relationships.
Last but not least… You are worth the WAIT! Now this area can definitely become VERY frustrating (I know from personal experience LOL), but it’s not the end of the world. A man that truly respects you and your body will be nothing but supportive of waiting until marriage to have sex with you. He will not try to lure you into temptation after acting like he’s supportive for a few months. He will understand the importance of waiting and he will not be a unicorn. Trust me, he exists. I haven’t met him yet, but I know there’s man out there who will wait with me. I know my worth and I will never let anyone else define my worth. I am worth the wait and so are you!
In closing Queens, you are beautiful no matter how ugly you might feel and you deserve a man that sees the Queen in you. And when he recognizes that Queen, he’ll know not to disrespect her or take her for granted. He’ll know your worth and love every piece of you.