In the Grey

Queens, let’s get into some relationship talk…

So yesterday I was listening to LeToya Luckett’s newest album, Back 2 Life and one of the songs, Grey, specifically stuck out to me because it perfectly describes how relationships work in this day and age. Listen to the song, and then continue reading the post!

Basically, the song is about being in the grey area of a relationship, which is something I’m sure everyone has experienced. It seems like the grey area is becoming thicker and thicker, and now there are almost no boundaries in relationships. I know our grandparents didn’t have to deal with all this grey area. Back then, you went on a date that a man asked you on, and then after that you’re in a committed relationship if the date went well. Most times this led to marriage, children, and decades of love.

Nowadays, there’s grey area in every step of the process. First, who asks who on the date? (and no I don’t wanna “chill.”) Then, who pays for the date? Some people think that the man should pay for the first date, and some people (mostly male) think that a man shouldn’t spend his money on a woman he’s not invested in yet. And when you’re in the “talking” phase, how much is too much? Who should text first? Can we see other people? How do we move to the next phase? All of this grey area has quite frankly driven me to overthinking every little thing when it comes to men I might be interested in. I don’t want to do too much, but I also want to let the gentlemen know that I’m feeling a vibe.

But when you actually get into the relationship there is still more grey area. Often times, both people involved have different interpretations of relationships and their expectations. One person might think it’s OK to still text people of the opposite sex, while the other might be totally uncomfortable. It’s just way too much for me and I’m annoyed by how complicated the process can be. It’s definitely a good 50% of why I choose not to date right now.

So what’s the solution? I think that transparency and communication is KEY! We’ve got to stop going with the flow if we don’t like going with the flow emotions. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Yeah… when you can’t get mad that a guy you “talk” to or like is “talking” to other people because you aren’t in a relationship with him.  You can feel the jealousy and possessive nature boiling up inside, but you’ve got to sit there and smile like it’s not bothering you. Who wants to suffer like that? I know I don’t and will not ever again.

In my next relationship I want to be as open and honest as possible at every phase of the relationship. I don’t want to feel limited and confused. I want to make sure we are on the same page and clear of our expectations. But, I also think that we as women have got to stop letting men get off the hook so easy. Now, we’re making decisions and stepping into the place that men should be. Men, YOU should be pursing women and LEADING the relationship. Stop waiting for women to ask you out or to bring up the “So… what are we?” conversation. If you know the relationship isn’t going anywhere, YOU need to be the one to have that tough conversation. And if you do see a future with the woman, let her know and be a man of character about it. We’re too old to be playing childish games.

I don’t know about ya’ll but I’m so tired of the grey area! Are you a sister wading in the grey area? I want to hear your thoughts!

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