Change of Heart.

Good Morning Loves!

It has been such a long time since I have blogged but here I am 🙂 Over the past month I have accomplished so much within myself and my walk with God and I think the silence did me quite well. I feel so at peace with my life and my decisions that I just have to share this testimony.

You all know me as the fitness blogger who works out all the time and eats healthy but you didn’t know the girl that suffered from anxiety and severe depression. A lot has happened to me in my life and God has always seen me through but I never addressed the issues. After having a breakdown, at work of all places *rolls eyes*, I finally sought therapy. I enrolled into a online therapy program called Talkspace where I pretty much text my therapist. It has been an amazing experience to have someone decode my feelings and behaviors. I have never been so clear headed or at peace. My therapist has really opened my eyes and my heart to staying true to myself and what I want to accomplish.

If you didn’t know, I entered college as a nursing student after receiving my Nursing Assistant Certification in high school. After transferring schools and shifting some things around I was told to “not even apply” to Salisbury’s nursing program by the Dean of the Nursing program. I had some pretty bad grades but was working to fix them but I was devastated by her words. I remember crying the entire two hour drive back home from registering for classes. THAT is where the devil got me. He planted the fear seed in my heart and tended to it hourly so that it grew into a weed that would try to strangle me.

I created this entire persona based on that fear. I got into exercise science in order to cover up my failure. I thought that if I did some related that I wouldn’t look like a failure. So busy worried about what other people would think of me, I rushed through college without even thinking about the end result. I wanted to graduate in four years so I chose a major that would allow me to. $80k later here I am rethinking EVERYTHING.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love exercise and promoting a healthy lifestyle but that is not what God told me to do; that is not the seed He placed in my heart. After going through my therapy, I found that I was living for others. I had become do overwhelmed with trying to live up to other peoples’ standards that I had lost myself. I can no longer live for other people because it was killing me. I wasn’t accomplishing what j wanted and God can’t bless disobedience. I was struggling to make ends meet as well as trying to get ahead. I took a job as a personal trainer again and I hated it. This is where I heard Him calling me back to His original plan and this time I HAD to listen! My sanity depended on it!

I got to work. I started researching nursing programs and I called the Maryland Board of Nursing to check on my certification. I hadn’t practiced as a CNA in two years and my certification was expired but you know God came through like Tom Brady at the Superbowl! I was afraid that I would have to retake an entire CNA course over again (over $600!) but I was informed that all I had to do to renew my license was submit the application and getting fingerprinted. I was so relieved but knew that God would finish the work He started in me. I renewed my license, applied for a job and I have an interview today! I will also be applying to nursing schools to continue my pursuit of what sets my soul on fire.

MY GOD IS SO GOOD! I haven’t even gotten the job but I am praising and dancing in the hallway until He opens a door because I know that He is working on my behalf.  I know that I will get into a nursing program as well. I have to stay faithful in each step that I take even when I can’t see the staircase.

Queens I encourage you to A L W A Y S stay true to you. Don’t let anyone or anything try to convince you that you can’t do something. If God is for you, who can be against you?! Continue to push for what you want. I didn’t and it costs me years, money, and stress. I was tested and failed but I know now that I. To always out my hopes and trust in the Lord because He never steers me wrong.

The week, this month, your life, is yours for the taking!

-B

 

 

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