The Struggle of Being Wife Material


The transparency I’ve shown throughout the last few blog posts has definitely been therapy for me, so here I am with another area of life that I personally struggle with.

For as long as I can remember, I have been seen as wife material. But at the same time I’ve lowkey despised that boys/men put me into the category. Yes, it’s a great compliment, but that also means that you’re put on the back burner until your husband finds you. I’ve had so many guys tell me that I’m a wife and that they weren’t ready for what I require and those words made me both smile and want to throw some air punches like Tre in Boyz n the Hood.

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Hence the reason why I’ve only had a few boyfriends. No one ever seems to be ready to be with the wife and it frustrates me. I appreciate the honesty, but I’ve always felt like everyone had somebody, but me. Satan would whisper things in my ear like “You might as well get loose because the hoes are winning out here sis.” But that wasn’t me. I couldn’t put on the facade, but I wanted to. Trust me.

I mean look at entertainment’s infamous women. No shade to them at all, but they always have a man, and a lot of times they are approached by good men. Meanwhile women who are abstaining from sex and do not promote their twerking skills online can’t even get a text back. Society is so backwards and it kills me.

Also, let’s be real. A lot of men are simply just intimidated by women who have their stuff together. If you’re an independent woman, men feel like they’re not needed, so they probably won’t approach you. This is also annoying because independent women want to be held too. And a lot of us could care less about how much you make if your character is amazing. I would rather be with a man that makes less than me but treats me like a queen and loves the Lord, than a wealthy man that is selfish and is not submitted to God.

The solution of this problem is to continue to be who God had called you to be no matter how rough it makes your dating life. Stay committed to it, and when God sees fit, you’ll meet your match. It’s hard and I know first-hand. Everyone seems threatened and scared of me, but it’s all good and I will not settle for less. Here are a few tips that help me through the struggle.

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Photo courtesy of Izzy & Liv’s

  1. Realize that being alone is a blessing– Singleness is a time of self-exploration. You really get to learn yourself and you can work on becoming whole with God at the center. It is also the time where you’ll have the least amount of responsibility. No husband, no kids, etc. You can come and go as you please. Be thankful for that because it won’t always be this way.
  2. Trust the process– Compromising your moral compass is never a good look. The process of being obedient does warrant blessings. Continue to think and act like a wife because you are a wife before you actually become one. Trust that God knows when you and your future husband are ready to write your love story.
  3. Rejection is God’s protection– If they are intimidated or just won’t date you because you aren’t handing out the goods, let them go! God is protecting you from a man that has no business being in your life. He can exit stage left. If he’s meant to be in your life, he will pursue you the right way.
  4. Good girls finish last (first)– It may seem like everyone who ran through the whole football team is getting married and starting beautiful families, but you don’t know the story behind the pictures. Their relationship might not be as perfect as it seems. And even if it is, so what? What God has for YOU is for YOU. Their portion is NOT yours. So just because it might seem like you’re finishing last, you’re actually winning the race by staying true to yourself.

Do you feel like you’re finishing last in the race with other women? How will you overcome those feelings?

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