Our First Web Series Premieres 10/24!

Hey Queens!

As many of you probably know, our first web series that was created by founder Jessica Gold will be premiering on our YouTube channel on Tuesday, October 24. But if you want to see the pilot episode two days early along with musical performances and a cast and crew panel, join us at our premiere party! All the deets are below! Tickets can be purchased here!

Submission and the New-Age Woman

Hey Queens!

Now I know some of you are already giving me the side-eye after reading the title of this post, but hear me out! I’m going to address the misconceptions about submission and what it means for the 2017 woman.

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Photo courtesy of Heaven Made Marriage

What Submission is NOT

  1. Submission does NOT mean that you are a doormat and have absolutely no opinion in your marriage.
  2. Submission does NOT mean obey.
  3. Submission does NOT make you weak or less than a man.
  4. Submission and control are NOT the same.
  5. Submission is NOT an option in marriage.

What Submission IS

  1. Submission is respecting and trusting your husband enough to allow him to lead your family and household as he is led by God.
  2. Submission is God’s way. It doesn’t mean that your husband is your God and that he can boss you around.
  3. Submission actually makes you a stronger unit.
  4. Submission is healthy. Control is not.
  5. Submission is a requirement in marriage. You can’t expect to have a healthy marriage without it.

In 2017, submission definitely seems like a foreign topic. The new-age woman is smart, independent and is often times more successful than her man. It’s difficult for her to practice submission because the definition has been misconstrued. Submission means to get under the mission. It does not mean that you have to walk around barefoot, pregnant and silent. However, it does mean that you trust that your husband can lead you and your family as he submits to God. Of course you’re allowed to have an opinion, express your concerns, and use your strengths in the relationship. But many women take that and run with it. Stop trying to divide submission. Your husband is the head of the household. But this doesn’t make you less than him. You are his help meet and can meet the needs of many other areas better than he can. That’s why God ordained the family structure this way. Just because the Bible says that your husband is to lead you, doesn’t make him any more important than you. Your roles are different. That’s it. The new-age woman seems to want control both in her career and at home. She won’t let her husband lead, and this causes men to feel emasculated. You chose that man for a reason, so let him do what he’s supposed to do. And if he’s a wise husband and is truly lead by God, he would recognize that your opinion does matter, but ultimately it’s up to him to grasp that concept.

In the same breath, I will say that tons of women are not confident in their husband’s leadership skills. If you’re not, then why did you marry him? I’m not saying that his decision making will always make you happy and that he’ll always get it right, but I am saying that before marrying him, his leadership skills should have been evident. You should have seen fruit on his tree from his obedience to God. And a TRUE man of God would know that submission means that his whole family is his responsibility and he’s accountable to God for every decision he makes. He will not pull the submission card when he wants to control you. That’s why it’s so important to marry a TRUE man of God if you are a woman of God. He will understand submission, while still making you feel like a valued part of the relationship and he will make it his duty to lead you as God leads him. But if you marry a man who has no idea how to submit to God, you’ll honestly probably end up in a ditch. A man who is not lead by God has no direction. He will lean on his own understanding and not God’s, which will put tons of strain on the marriage.

At the end of the day, you should want to be on one accord in your marriage. Submission is the key to agreement. This also goes for the household finances *gasp,* but that’s a whole different topic. Maybe I’ll do a part 2.

Need more help understanding submission? Read Ephesians 5:22-24

 

A Message From a Sensible Woman

Hey Queens!

After having a conversation with one of my friends over the weekend, I decided to deliver a message to men that I’m sure most sensible women would agree with. When you’re approaching 25, it’s time to stop playing games or at least be honest about the games you’re playing!

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  1. Stop asking for my number if you aren’t really invested. I can’t tell you how many times a man has gone through hell and high water just to get my number and then never contacts me. What’s the point? Stop it. If you’re playing a sick ego game, we don’t appreciate it.
  2. No, I’m not sending you a pic. Follow me on IG!: Fellas, one of the most annoying things you can do is ask a woman for a picture. Why do you need a photo of me and you don’t even know me? That tired excuse that you need it for my contact pic is not going to cut it. Plus, you can just follow a lady you’re interested in on social media and have a scrolling fiasco.
  3. Pictures of your genitals are NOT cute! We’re no longer in middle or high school, so please do yourself a favor and stop sending women nudes. Most of us can’t stand it and we automatically put you on the block list.
  4. No I don’t wanna chill. If you’ve approached a mature woman with class, treat her as such. Actually plan a date instead of asking her to chill. Boys ask to chill. Men plan dates. The date could be a free one like a hike or a stroll around the park. Just think outside the box and take her interests into consideration.
  5. Paying for dinner does not =sex afterwards. Paying for my dinner does not make you my pimp sir. You chose to take me out, and if you weren’t serious about your intention, maybe you should’ve rethought your decision to take me out. Practice being genuine and stop expecting sex just because you did something that is nice. If you’re still taking women out just so you can guilt trip her into having sex, you are a grown little boy.
  6. Stop missing out on great women because she doesn’t look like an IG Vixen. Social media has screwed a lot of men up. They now think that every woman should have the build-a-body look, so they overlook great, educated, natural women for the IG vixen who often times is a gold digging woman just looking to be put on.
  7. You can’t wait to have sex? Nah bruh. A man’s ability to wait on a woman tells a lot about his character. Even if you don’t necessarily believe in waiting until marriage, don’t cross a woman off your list because of it. You could be missing out on a great blessing. Plus, if I’m not important enough to wait for, I don’t want you. Sex is a small percentage in a relationship. It’s not the end all be all.
  8. Practice reciprocity. The men of today’s society need a serious chin check. Many of you have been spoiled, but it’s time for you guys to grow up. You should not expect your woman to do any and everything for you, but she gets nothing in return. It’s not a game of tit for tat, but it is about being mature and knowing when your woman’s effort needs to be reciprocated. Women give give give and men take take take, and they can’t deal when a woman stops giving because she’s fed up.
  9. Material things are NOT everything! Unless you’re dealing with a money-hungry woman, she’s not expecting you to keep her decked out in Birkin bags and Loubs; nor is she waiting for you to buy her the latest luxury car. Yes, gifts are nice. But a humble woman who just wants to love you would appreciate your thoughtfulness and time more than a gift that caused you to wipe out your savings. Men often think that we want money and material things and that’s wrong. Most women would appreciate being taken out on a date where you planned out every detail according to her likes and passions. Stop thinking that every woman just wants you for your money or that you can only impress her with that. Of course there are women who are impressed by that, but if you’re looking for a sensible woman, she’s out there.
  10. Baby Mama Drama Needs to Stop! Men, let’s call a spade a spade. STOP IMPREGNATING THESE WOMEN YOU DO NOT SEE A FUTURE WITH! Most of these “crazy” baby mamas were crazy when you met them but it was cute back then. Own up to your part in it and do better. It’s not cute and most sensible women do not even want to come close if you have baby mama drama. So instead of blaming women for being “crazy” and “jealous” think about what you could’ve done to make her behave in that manner. In most instances, women don’t just randomly become crazy. Perhaps you’re still sleeping with her and now she’s mad that you have a girlfriend. But my advice is to stop being careless. Your choice in women says a lot about you and the amount of baby mamas you have does too. Please do better.

 

Discipline.

Discipline is probably one of the best attributes you can have. I say this because discipline can relate to all areas of your life. If you have no discipline, your life will end up in shambles.

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Photo courtesy of Focus on the Family

Lately, I’ve noticed how discipline in one area of life directly correlates to others. For instance, right now I am on a month-long “sweets diet,” that prohibits me from enjoying cookies, cakes, muffins, candy, etc. The first week wasn’t easy, but I made it through! It also doesn’t help that I have a full cookie jar in my kitchen that stares at me from every angle. I can’t lie, those cookies almost got me, but I stood firm. Mainly because there is an end goal. I decided to eliminate sweets for a month to help me not only find a balance between enjoying food and over-indulging and to also aid in my fitness journey. I gained a few pounds towards the end of the summer due to stress and a wrist injury that kept me out of kickboxing. I’m going to Jamaica in November, so the goal is to have a kick-butt body for my vacation.

Restrictions or diets are not only for people who are overweight. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “you’re so tiny! why do you need to be on a diet?” It’s not about that. I want to make sure I’m not putting my body at risk by eating sweets whenever they’re available in the break room at work. So back to the point… I noticed that my resistance to sweets has helped me in saying no to other things like spending more time on social media than I need to. I spent last week also practicing discipline by only posting promotional things for upcoming events, but not allowing myself to scroll. It was tough because if you’re on social media posting something, of course you want to scroll to get your daily fix of “who’s doing what today?” I made it through that as well and now I am giving myself 30 mins per day to spend on social media. I always end up straying away from the rule after about three weeks or so, but this time I am determined to stick with it just so my mind isn’t so polluted with everything I see on the daily.

Discipline is super important! You need it for time management, health and fitness, remaining faithful to your husband, etc. Believe it or not, discipline has helped me fight serious temptation. Since I have practiced it in other ways, it’s easier for me to say no to my sexual urges. And celibacy has made me disciplined when it comes to delayed gratification, which is mentioned in the book “The Wait.” It really is true. Celibacy builds my perseverance and my patience. That’s why it’s pretty easy for me not to go off on folks and hold my composure. I was already a patient person, but my patience has grown even more. But back to celibacy… one of the most important reasons why I spread the message is because disciplining your body and it’s sexual desires is how you practice monogamy and being faithful even before you meet your spouse. If you can discipline your body without a ton of temptation, you can withstand the temptation of cheating because you are trained to avoid folding under the pressure flesh puts on us. You saying no to a cookie directly correlates to you saying no to a man who is not your husband.

How do you practice discipline? What’s the most difficult part?

Situationships + Relationships with no Direction

Hey Queens!

I hope you have been doing well, and I hope you had the chance to purchase my new eBook entitled “How I Got My Crown Back.” If you haven’t, don’t worry. Click here!

In my book, I touch on the topics of today’s blog post, but I want to expand more on it, because in this day and age, relationships seem like a game. People play with the idea of commitment and they are extremely selfish when it comes to meeting the needs of their partner. But, I’m sick of seeing trash relationships play out. It’s exactly what Satan wants. He wants us to be entangled in drama and confusion. I don’t know about y’all, but I want something real and I’m willing to wait for it.

Situationships

Now I’ve had my share of situationships, so I can totally relate to people in them. I never entered them by choice, but somehow I was lured into this territory because I didn’t want to let go. I was willing to compromise what I really wanted, just so I could still have a piece of the person I didn’t feel was worth letting go. Most of these situationships took place during my college years. We did everything a committed couple would do, but there was no title and no boundaries if I’m going to be honest. I always ended up getting the short end of the stick because I was monogamous in these situations, but of course the guy wasn’t. Time and time again I would find out about all the other girls they were messing with or that they had a secret girlfriend the whole time. I was a mess back then, but unfortunately, so many women are still stuck in this type of relationship. Why? There’s a ton of reasons why, but the most common is that many women do not know their worth and don’t really believe in their morals and values. I say this because most of these women probably want to be in a committed relationship, but end up settling. And if you’re the kind of woman who fears real commitment, a situationship is not going to fulfill you long-term. There’s too many blurred lines and then feelings get involved. You are doing yourself a disservice. If you want a man to commit, don’t settle. Simple as that. But you have to be strong in your conviction. Stop letting these men get away with taking a piece of your heart and body with them when they haven’t made any type of sacrifice to truly pursue you.

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Courtesy of The Odyssey Online

Relationships with no Direction

I know I’m going to step on some toes with this one, but lets be real! You have no business being in a relationship with no intention. What’s the purpose? To fill a void or to cure your loneliness? I can’t count the amount of times I have heard people say “I don’t know if I would marry them though.” Huh? So you’re OK with wasting your time? It just doesn’t make sense to me. Why go through the gut-wrenching highs and lows with someone, just to break up with them years later? Yes, you might learn a few lessons, but it’s pretty pointless. You could’ve spent that time pursuing your purpose. In my opinion, we’re doing this whole dating and relationship thing totally wrong. Why spend YEARS trying to figure out if a man is going to be your husband, when you can get to know him on many levels in the friendship phase? I also think it’s ridiculous that some people believe that it takes years to figure out if a man is husband material. Honey, if you watch his patterns like Heather and Cornelius Lindsey would say, you can spot the red flags or the fruits of his labor within a few months. It really pains my heart when I see women wandering aimlessly in these relationships. Dating and relationships should mean that there is an end result. It’s intentional. I know some folks don’t want to get married, and I’m not here to judge them. Different strokes for different folks, but I think that there should be a goal to accomplish in the relationship. If not, it just seems pointless. We’ve got to stop dating just to pass the time. It’s OK to sit your boyfriend down and discuss short and long-term goals. If a future together isn’t in the cards, do yourself a favor and leave the relationship. Nobody has time for that go with the flow, non-nonchalant attitude. If a man wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he will make that be known VERY clearly. He want give you the run-around or tell you that you should wait until a certain age. Of course this is situational if there is a plan to finish school or something of the sort, but in all honesty, a man who wants you to be his wife won’t let a timeline stop him.

I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts?