When God Writes Your Love Story

Queens!

It’s been awhile. I apologize for the lack of content posted here on the blog, as well as on our social media accounts. Life has been pretty busy, but our web series, The C-Word is doing amazing things. However, with all of that being said, today’s post has nothing to do with being busy. Today I want to talk about how God has been orchestrating my love story over the past few months.

As many of you know, I have been single for a little over three and a half years. At the beginning of my singleness I despised men, then God began healing my heart and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. After year two, I was content with my season, but when year three rolled around, I started to ask God when he was going to show up for me. The desire for marriage and children grew exponentially with no potential suitor. I trusted God, but I didn’t quite trust his timing as I mentioned a few months ago.  Then for a few months I met some people, but they all ended up wasting my time. I always pray the same prayer when I meet a man that is interested in me. You should try it too. Works like a charm. “God, if this is not the man you have for me, show me his character.” Like clockwork the man’s true motives/intentions or deal breakers are revealed. In reality, I didn’t waste much time, because once I pray that prayer, God shows up in about three days.

Anyways, I was becoming exhausted with this back and forth cycle. Why were all these counterfeits being sent my way? Maybe it was a test that I finally passed. So let’s rewind to about a month ago… I wasn’t expecting ANYTHING. I was so over the counterfeits that I was focusing on the new chapter of life that was about to begin. I was about to move into a new place that is 10 minutes away from my job and I would have a roommate to keep me company. I had fallen into a depression while living alone, so I was excited to start fresh.

On March 12, here comes the love of my life and I had no clue he was coming. I won’t go into details about how we met because we are starting a YouTube channel, but God sent him and I am so blessed. He is literally EVERYTHING I prayed for and most importantly, he decided to join me on my celibacy journey. He’s affectionate, romantic, a great communicator, open and honest, loves God, can cook, and he’s handsome. God sent me someone above and beyond my expectations and I knew that he would because I waited for Him. As difficult as it was to hand over the pen to God, I did because I knew his pick would be better than mine. Y’all know I struggled for the past year and a half to trust God and keep the course. It’s been rough for ya girl, but God showed up for me and He will show up for you too!

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Photo courtesy of Buzzfeed

 

If you are in the season where you are questioning God and his timing, I encourage you to be still and know that He is God. He knows exactly when you and your future spouse are ready to begin your love story. That desire for companionship comes from God and he will make sure that comes to pass. Focus on preparing to be a wife because you are one before the title; and also focus on YOU. This is the last time that you will have your full independence. A husband and children will rely on you for the rest of your life and you will have to consider other people in all your decisions. So enjoy your singleness to the fullest! It is not a curse.

I suggest reading “When God Writes Your Love Story.” It will change your life. It certainly changed mine.

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Diamond in the Back

One of my all time favorite songs in Diamond in the Back by Curtis Mayfield. It’s a smooth, soultry song that came out in the 70’s. In the lyrics, he says “Though you may not drive a great big Cadillac. Gangsta white walls, TV antennas in the back. You may not have a car at all. But remember brothers and sisters

You can still stand tall. Just be thankful for what you’ve got. Though you may not drive a great big Cadillac, Diamond in the back, sunroof top. Diggin’ the scene with a gangsta lean”.

Lately, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal. Every day, I write down the things I’m grateful for or the good things that happened. I received this idea from a book that I’m reading: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, by Amy Morin (please grab a copy, super life-changing). If you’re an emotional person like me, you can just feel overwhelmed by the end of the day, internalizing not only yours, but other people’s issues, feeling like what is life. “Why don’t we just have a utopia”. Then I look at my gratitude journal and I’m in awe; wow, life is not bad after all. In fact, life is pretty good. When we choose to focus on the negative, life will be dark; if we choose to focus on the real, life will be life and we can accept the good with the bad.

We can all have our diamond in the back, with the sunroof top. There is a lot that goes into this, but I encourage you to start simple by just maintaining a gratitude journal, listing all the things you’re thankful for on a daily basis. You’ll be grateful you did.

Nothing but love,

Sandra

Take me baccckkk!

 

 

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I find that too often I grow consumed with the struggles and routine of everyday life. Work, school, sleep. Work, school, sleep. [repeat]. Doing this day in and day out has left me feeling completely stressed, overwhelmed, and drained. I’ve never felt so emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted in my life.

However, despite all this, I am more than grateful that after months of booking, cancelling, and re-booking, I was finally able to go to Cancun for vacation. It was exactly what I needed – the PERFECT combination of fun and relaxation.  I honestly don’t remember the last time I felt this at ease.

I love this picture because I look so happy and at peace. I didn’t let anything get in the way of me having a good time [not me getting scammed out of money, eating bad food, or some of the weak drinks I had lol]. None of it mattered because I was high on life.

But, I realized that I have to stop waiting for a vacation to live my best life. I need to find ways to hold on to how I felt at this moment in this picture. I need to find ways to make sure I am doing what it takes to keep me this happy everyday. I really need to work on ensuring that everyday I am doing something to take better care of myself.

I am holding on to this picture so that I can continue to take myself back to the happiness I felt on this day!

 

 

The Power of Discernment

Happy Wednesday Queens!

How is your month going so far? I hope it has been filled with joy and happiness! Today I want to talk about discernment. I touched on this topic a few months ago and also in my eBook (click here to purchase), but I want to expand upon my thoughts.

So first, what is discernment? Well according to good ol Google, discernment is perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding. Still confused? Basically, it means that you have the ability to judge well. So for example, you might be able to read people as soon as you meet them. For the most part, I have this ability. The Holy Spirit will tell me certain things upon meeting new people so I know whether or not to do business with them or allow them into my life.

Discernment is a gift that can save you from wasted time and regrets. Trust me. Just recently my discernment kicked in and it saved me from expectations that were not reached. When you are in tune with the Holy Spirit, God will tell you everything you want to know and even the tough pills that are hard to swallow. In the recent situation, a young man revealed that he was interested in me. In the past, I would’ve jumped higher than Michael Jordan in Space Jam, but this time I was still and quiet so I could hear God’s voice. At this point in my life, I’d rather be alone than to entertain someone who is not God-sent. I prayed everyday for about three days that God would reveal the character of the man or present something obvious to show me that he wasn’t the one, and BOOM there it was in less than a week. I was thinking, “Dang God, you’re quick!” And I was extremely thankful that I didn’t waste my time. It’s not that the man is a horrible person, he’s just not who God has called me to be with, and it was made completely clear when he stopped responding to my text messages. I don’t beg any man for attention or validation, and neither should you. We are Queens and should be treated as such.

But Jess how can I become more discerning? It’s simple. Ask God for the gift. But you have to be willing to accept what comes along with it as well. God will keep it a stack with you and he won’t spare your feelings. So if you’re not ready to give up that man you love, those friends you cannot live without, or that business opportunity that will give you all the benjamins, don’t ask for the gift. I will also say that you must be intentional about your relationship with God. You can’t receive the gift of discernment if your mind is always cluttered and distracted. Pray regularly, read your word, journal, go to church. Really build a true relationship with God, because you won’t be able to decipher God’s voice from Satan’s.

The Struggle of Being Wife Material

Queens!

The transparency I’ve shown throughout the last few blog posts has definitely been therapy for me, so here I am with another area of life that I personally struggle with.

For as long as I can remember, I have been seen as wife material. But at the same time I’ve lowkey despised that boys/men put me into the category. Yes, it’s a great compliment, but that also means that you’re put on the back burner until your husband finds you. I’ve had so many guys tell me that I’m a wife and that they weren’t ready for what I require and those words made me both smile and want to throw some air punches like Tre in Boyz n the Hood.

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Hence the reason why I’ve only had a few boyfriends. No one ever seems to be ready to be with the wife and it frustrates me. I appreciate the honesty, but I’ve always felt like everyone had somebody, but me. Satan would whisper things in my ear like “You might as well get loose because the hoes are winning out here sis.” But that wasn’t me. I couldn’t put on the facade, but I wanted to. Trust me.

I mean look at entertainment’s infamous women. No shade to them at all, but they always have a man, and a lot of times they are approached by good men. Meanwhile women who are abstaining from sex and do not promote their twerking skills online can’t even get a text back. Society is so backwards and it kills me.

Also, let’s be real. A lot of men are simply just intimidated by women who have their stuff together. If you’re an independent woman, men feel like they’re not needed, so they probably won’t approach you. This is also annoying because independent women want to be held too. And a lot of us could care less about how much you make if your character is amazing. I would rather be with a man that makes less than me but treats me like a queen and loves the Lord, than a wealthy man that is selfish and is not submitted to God.

The solution of this problem is to continue to be who God had called you to be no matter how rough it makes your dating life. Stay committed to it, and when God sees fit, you’ll meet your match. It’s hard and I know first-hand. Everyone seems threatened and scared of me, but it’s all good and I will not settle for less. Here are a few tips that help me through the struggle.

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Photo courtesy of Izzy & Liv’s

  1. Realize that being alone is a blessing– Singleness is a time of self-exploration. You really get to learn yourself and you can work on becoming whole with God at the center. It is also the time where you’ll have the least amount of responsibility. No husband, no kids, etc. You can come and go as you please. Be thankful for that because it won’t always be this way.
  2. Trust the process– Compromising your moral compass is never a good look. The process of being obedient does warrant blessings. Continue to think and act like a wife because you are a wife before you actually become one. Trust that God knows when you and your future husband are ready to write your love story.
  3. Rejection is God’s protection– If they are intimidated or just won’t date you because you aren’t handing out the goods, let them go! God is protecting you from a man that has no business being in your life. He can exit stage left. If he’s meant to be in your life, he will pursue you the right way.
  4. Good girls finish last (first)– It may seem like everyone who ran through the whole football team is getting married and starting beautiful families, but you don’t know the story behind the pictures. Their relationship might not be as perfect as it seems. And even if it is, so what? What God has for YOU is for YOU. Their portion is NOT yours. So just because it might seem like you’re finishing last, you’re actually winning the race by staying true to yourself.

Do you feel like you’re finishing last in the race with other women? How will you overcome those feelings?