Two Years Celibate!

Hey Queens!

It’s been awhile. I hope you have been living your best life, reclaiming your time, and enjoying your summer! I have been so busy that I couldn’t even fit in the time to blog, but I’m back to celebrate a huge milestone. I have been celibate for TWO years! *cues applause and music*Image result for happy gif

Yes, TWO longggggggg years LOL. It honestly feels like about five years, but I am extremely excited and proud of myself thus far. However, none of the credit goes to me because it has been nothing but God’s grace that has kept me on track. If it wasn’t for God, I know I would’ve had some slip-ups.

My mind, body and soul feel pure and refreshed. I never felt this way when I was having sex. I felt dirty and lowkey ashamed to step foot into church because I knew I was living in sin. I’m more focused on my aspirations than the next time I’m going to get my fix of sexual pleasure. This journey has truly been a blessing. It has not been easy by far, but it has been SO worth it! Just to keep it real, this has been probably the hardest thing to do other than writing, producing and directing my own web series. This journey has been challenging. I mean think of it like a super restrictive diet. It’s like I went from eating whatever I wanted to drastically only eating fruits and vegetables. My body was in shock! My flesh had been fed whenever it desired to be fed, so to completely dominate it was a tricky task.

It definitely took some practice, but I was determined to make a complete lifestyle change. I was tired of giving my body to men who always ended up hurting me. Beyond that, I wanted to make my body a living sacrifice. I can’t call myself a follower of Christ if I pick and chose when I want to obey. I think the thought of knowing that this isn’t permanent is what keeps me going. I know God is proud of me and he might even reward me with an amazing husband one day. But even if there isn’t an incentive, I just feel so much better living this life of celibacy. I no longer waste my time dealing with trash guys because they’re weeded out from the beginning. I also no longer deal with destructive soul ties.

I literally pray for endurance everyday because this journey feels long. Sometimes I feel like giving up and getting me some sex, but what is that going to cure? It’s only going to fuel my flesh in the moment, and then I’ll be left feeling guilty and ashamed. It’s totally not worth it. I will admit that Satan attacks my mind more since he knows that he physically can’t get me. Plus, seeds are planted in our hearts and minds first before we act out physically. He tries his best to make me lust after men, but for the most part he hasn’t succeeded. However, when those lustful thoughts and feelings arise, I open my Bible, pray, and if the desire is really strong, I fast.

So to all the sistas out there that believe you NEED sex… you’re wrong. I’m flourishing hunty and you can too! Don’t let the world discourage you because you are doing things differently. I’ve never been a follower, and I don’t plan on changing that at age 24. Keep the faith and keep pushing if you are also celibate! It’s temporary. Romans 8:18.

XO, Jess

Stay Calm in Your Storm

 

How do you guys deal with being betrayed/ disappointed by someone close to you? I was recently struggling with this question when I was deceived by someone who I trusted.

It took me a while to understand how I felt about it, or better yet, but it into words. Now, Im not gonna lie- I was immediately enraged and wanted to express anger mixed with a side of petty. -Like how dare someone betray me after I am such a loyal friend!

However, I know that would be more of a “wordly” way of responding and it is always my goal to be more Godly in my approach toward anger. But- let’s be honest; I’m human and I’m pissed.

Because I didn’t know how to react, I did nothing initially. I felt mixed with emotions between “getting back at them” and knowing that I’m really not that kind of person. Thinking back, I am thankful for not reacting in the moment. I let that person know I was disappointed and left it at that.

It did bother me not feeling like I expressed myself fully. I wanted to make my point stand strong. I wanted them to feel the wrath that I felt. But, letting someone get me out of my character is a betrayal to myself.

Later I found this text on IG reading:

“To be kind is more important than to be right. Many times what people need is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a soul that listens.”

This definitely sat well in my heart. Now it did take me a while to get over my feelings towards the situation, but I never want anyone to get me out of my character. It is easy to let the world tell how to react in your own storm, but it is really essential to remain calm.

Reacting never changes your circumstances, only responding does. Just a friendly reminder to myself that I can only effect myself and my own decisions.

 

Stay humbled,

Ms. Aja Gibbs

The Get Back.

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Happy Friday Queens!!

It’s been a little while since coming back from my trip (it was so much fun) and I’ve given myself a little break as far as a super hard routine. It dawned on me that I should give tips on how to get back on track after vacation so here it is.

1. GET RID OF THE VACATION MINDSET!

Im sorry but the vacation is over. Time to put away the bikini and get back to the grind so we can look bomb for the next vacation!

2. Give yourself a break.

Take a break and allow the transition back home to settle. Unpack, do laundry, etc. Just relax a bit. If you want to jump back into fitness immediately (more power to you!), we will talk about that soon.

3. Go grocery shopping.

Fill up the fridge with veggies, lean protein, and grab and go snacks. Keep your meals simple so that as you get back into the work week and workout routine, you’re not burdened by complicated meals. Be sure to meal prep and keep it easy!

4. Drink water.

Get back into drinking the amount you were. You can jump right in or add a little more to each day to get back.

5. Get moving.

Make a plan/routine for your workouts for the week or just do some light cardio to get moving again. If you do ease back in slowly, be sure to add a little more intensity each day.

 

Keep Grinding!

-B

I Want To Stop Having Sex, But How?

Queens!

I’ve actually been getting this question a lot lately, so I’ve decided to come up with a list of PRACTICAL things you can do to break the cycle. Let me just say that the church has totally jacked up the conversation of sex. I’m not pointing the finger at every church, but as a whole, we have to do better! This new generation of young people need us more than ever. Even if you don’t believe in God or “organized religion,” these tips can still help you stay on the straight and narrow.

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  1. First you have to make the choice to go through with abstaining from sex. Life is comprised of choices. If you are tired of being distracted by sex, played, lied to, cheated on, or if you want to honor God with your body, you have to choose to take sex off the table and be serious about it.
  2. Realize that sex is not bad, evil, gross, etc. This is where the church gets it wrong. They tell young people that sex is bad and that they just shouldn’t do it, but what happens when your hormones are telling you to do one thing, but your pastor is telling you another? Most times you fall into temptation. The truth is that sex is not bad or evil. Sex was created by God. However, it was created for marriage because of how powerful it is and the bonds and soul ties it creates. Your sexual desires were put in you by God, not Satan. But Satan will use that to tempt you.
  3. Create boundaries BEFORE you start dating someone. It’s much easier to live by the boundaries you have put in place if they were created before you fall for someone. If you know that kissing turns you on, don’t kiss. If “chilling” alone will put you in the mood, hang out in public settings. You know your own triggers. Boundaries are great so that you don’t end up making a mistake. Your flesh will be weak. Your flesh wants sex, especially if you know what it feels like.
  4. Put your focus into other things. Take up a hobby, work on a project, join a new gym, etc. If you are kept busy, you won’t have time to think about sex. Remember an idle mind is a devil’s playground. The times when those strong sexual desires come upon me are usually when I’m just at home chilling.
  5. Pray, read your Word, meditate, repeat…. This is KEY! Prayer really does help. God will give you strength in those times when you feel weak. Reading your Word is important as well because if you know the scriptures, you can quote them aloud when you are struggling with your purity. If you don’t believe in God, try Yoga and meditation to clear your mind.
  6. Get accountability. Find a mentor, friend, etc. who is on the same page of purity with you. She can encourage you and be there in those moments when you are about to slip up. This is one of the most important things to do because a lot of times when we don’t have accountability, we feel like no one is watching and we can secretly fall back into our old ways without anyone knowing. LIES! God sees all.
  7. Stop entertaining fools! Stop calling Tyrone if you know all he wants is the sex. You’re just asking for trouble. Cut off all the guys you were sexually involved with. Block them, unfollow them. Do whatever you have to do to start a clean slate.
  8. Guard your heart. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23. For me, guarding my heart is being intentional about what I’m watching and listening to. I can’t listen to songs with sexual innuendos, and I can’t really watch sex scenes in movies/TV shows. I know the kind of mood that puts me in so I try to avoid it. I’m not saying you can’t listen to any music or watch any shows, but just know that all of those things carry spirits.
  9. Unfollow men that make you struggle. If you’re following men who only post shirtless pics or pics wearing gray sweatpants, stop it right now sis. That lust is probably bubbling over. How can you stay pure physically if your mind is cluttered with sexual fantasies?
  10. Give up masturbation. Yeah I know tons of y’all won’t like this one, but masturbation stirs up sexual desire. Just because you aren’t having sex with a man, doesn’t mean that you won’t think about it even more because you’re still performing sexual acts. I also don’t condone masturbation because I believe it can cause a wedge between a husband and wife. I would never want to become so pleased with myself that I feel like my husband can do nothing for me or I feel like I have to follow-up after him.
  11. Yes, oral sex is still sex. Stop telling folks you’re abstinent or celibate but you’re still giving and/or receiving oral sex. You are not pure. Just because you are not being penetrated, doesn’t mean anything. You are still giving your body to someone who is not your husband. And even if you don’t believe in waiting til marriage, you’re still giving your body to someone who can end up cheating on you or leaving you.
  12. Pick up some books like “The Wait,” “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” “Sex, Dating and Relationships.”

What are the benefits to taking sex off the table? There are plenty! Personally, I am the happiest and most focused I’ve ever been in my 24 years of life. Instead of worrying about why he didn’t text me back or if I was the best he ever had, I’m worrying about kingdom business. I am the point in my life where I don’t have time for games. I want the next person I am involved with to be my husband. I’m fed up with giving my all to someone and getting my heart broken in return. My body is for my husband only, and I’m going to keep it that way until the day we make that covenant before God. And then literally all of the people I know and have seen wait til marriage have a special anointing and blessing on their marriages. I’m not saying they’re perfect, but the fruit of their hard labor is definitely more evident. One last thing… God is not trying to be mean by telling us not to have sex before marriage. He just knew that if we didn’t wait the consequences could really ruin us (soul ties, unplanned pregnancies, STD’s, etc.)

Workout on Vacation! (Hotel Room Approved)

 

Happy Fridayyyyy!

I am actually typing this on Wednesday morning before my flight so by the time you read it consider yourself a witness of time travel lol. As promised I’ll be showing you five workout moves (with added abs and cardio circuit) that you can do in your hotel/Airbnb. We want to keep this simple and quick so hereeeee we go! *Slick Rick voice*

Abs
1. Heel taps – 3 sets of 12 reps


2. Alternating toe taps – 3 sets of 12 reps

 


3. Hip lifts – 3 sets of 12 reps

Lift your hips and slowly bring them back down (no plopping!)

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Squat to press with bag – 3 sets of 10 reps


Wall push up with arms close – 3 sets of 10 reps


Wall sit with toe lift – 2 sets 30 seconds with 10 toe lifts during the wall sit


Bag curls – 3 sets of 10

 

Jump squats – 3 sets of 10 reps (get low, jump high!)
Up down push ups – 3 sets of 5 reps (up, down, up = 1 rep)

drop down, one arm at a time, then push yourself back up, one arm at a time.
Speed skaters – 3 sets of 30 seconds

here you are hopping from side to side in this speed skaters position.
High knees – self explanatory but keep your chest and knees high. – 3 sets of 30 seconds

Plank turns – 3 sets of 10 reps (5 each side)

 

Happy Sweating!
-B