No 1 Man Should Have That Power

Now that I have Your attention with that Kanye lyric… hello ladies! I hope you’re doing stellar this new year. Today, I want to talk about something is overlooked but so important, and it’s your power.

I struggle with people pleasing. I want to be liked and don’t want people to be mad at me (stemming from childhood). My people pleasing is something that I’ve grown to hate. It can cripple me, overthinking every failed scenario and failing in attempts to “correct” a situation. But this year, I decided that enough is enough. When we people please, we give away our power. Think about it. Every time you said yes, when you wanted to say no, you gave away your power. Sometimes, you’re glad you said yes but at times you regret your affirmation. Don’t get me wrong, serve if you have the capacity and extend to your neighbors. But don’t over stretch yourself if you don’t have the capacity; you don’t want to resent yourself or people.

What about when you put your foot in your mouth? You apologize but you keep overthinking it, thinking what can I do better or how can I keep this person from being mad at me? You give your power to that person. You will probably do anything to get them to be “happy” again. You feel like their happiness is your responsibility. People’s happiness is THEIR responsibility. Don’t get me wrong, sincerely right your wrongs but then keep it moving.

What about when you like someone intimately? For people pleasers we want people to like us so we’re not even ourselves. But have you noticed that you are yourself with people you don’t like and they end up liking you, but with the person you like, you’re this version of yourself that is not really you, and that person doesn’t like you. You’re thinking “… why can’t you be more like that person”. But really, “why can’t you be more like yourself”.

Don’t give people your power based on what you think you’re supposed to be. Be you, be genuine, be sincere, be powerful. When you start overthinking or people pleasing, talk sense into yourself. Sometimes we need accountability or professional help to correct this way of thinking. Don’t be fearful to go after that. There’s no shame in seeking positive mental behaviors. I pray in 2018 you stop overthinking and start being YOU.

Nothing but love,

Sandra

Valentine’s Day Blues

Year four. Year FOUR of being single on Valentine’s Day. I go back and forth on whether this bothers me. One day I’m like “I don’t even care, I have a speaking engagement on that day anyways.” And the next I’m like “Dang, so NOBODY wants to ask me to be their Valentine? Oh aight. Truuuuuu!” I literally have to laugh at myself because I don’t know why this holiday is so important. Then I figured out the root of the problem… it’s that I’m embarking on another year and I STILL have no one to share it with.

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Photo courtesy of Scotia Living

Despite these rollercoaster of emotions, I am extremely happy with my life. Yes, I am going through a challenging pruning process (which I’ll discuss in detail in my next post), but I’m happy. Just happy to see a new day when I wake up. Some super exciting things are on the horizon for me, so I’m elated, humbled, and thankful for the most part. But when I think about sharing this excitement with a purpose partner, I shrink into this place of wonder. I find hope in the fact that God loves me better and more than any earthly man could, but there’s something about a physical example that my heart longs for. Yes, it would be romantic to be showered in love on February 14, but I desire a life-partner. I desire someone who aligns with my purpose so badly. I desire a shoulder to cry on when I’ve had a rough day. I desire someone to hold me when I can’t sleep at night. I totally trust that God is working on my love story as I write this post, but I can’t help but daydream about it.

To be honest, I only have one memory of Valentine’s Day with someone and that was when I was 16. Does that really count? LOL. But back then you couldn’t tell me nothing! But from age 17 to 25, I’ve watched as my friends created great Valentine’s Day memories, while I sit back and imagine what my memories will someday look like. This isn’t a post to make you feel down in the dumps, but it is to keep it real. Everyone seems to want us to be strong 24/7, without doubt or fear, but that’s not my reality. Truth is I get frustrated at times. I get impatient. Emotions sometimes riddle my day and that makes me human.

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Photo courtesy of Valentine Wishes

So on February 14th of this year I would like to focus on the gift of life and the gift of purpose. I’ll be speaking to the youth about relationships and love, which brings me so much joy! Yes, I would like some Lindor chocolate, or a bouquet of flowers. But will that happen? Probably not, and I just have to accept that and realize that it won’t ALWAYS be like this. I find hope in that.

Do you have a Valentine this year? If so, what are your plans or what would you like to do?

Single During the Holidays

Happy Monday Queens!

I hope you’re off to a wonderful start to your week. It’s been on my heart to talk about being single during the holidays because not only can I relate, but it’s also been a struggle for me this year if I can keep it real.

The holidays automatically make me think of family and love. It makes me feel all warm and mushy inside. I picture myself curled up with a glass of hot cocoa or egg nog watching holiday movies with my hunk of a man, while the fireplace keeps the house cozy.  But every time that image crosses my mind, I am then brought back to reality. That’s not my reality. At least not right now. A tough pill to swallow because I just knew I would be married by age 22. Tuh. I know God still laughs at me for that thought.

For me, each year seems to get a little harder. 2014 was by far the worst year of my life, so during the holidays I wasn’t even thinking about being in a relationship. At that point, I hated men. 2015 I was pretty content. I was rebuilding my relationship with God and repairing my heart. 2016 was an awesome holiday season because it was the first that I had the opportunity to host Thanksgiving at my place. I desired a partner, but the urge wasn’t super strong. But this year? Oh. My. Lord. My desire for a spouse has grown tremendously. It’s like everyday I daydream about trimming the Christmas tree, kissing under the mistletoe, and getting snowed in with that special somebody. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why do I feel this way? I guess it’s because I look at my friends, family and peers and they’re experiencing this season with someone else and I’m all alone wishing I could just get a warm embrace from a man LOL.

I’ve got this single life down packed so I can totally relate if you’re feeling a little down during the holidays. It’s definitely a struggle because I desire to be a wife and mother. Of course I know I can’t rush God’s timing and I don’t want to. It’s just difficult and this time of year has gotten me for sure. I always try to put things into perspective and shift the focus though to help me get through it. I reflect on how I was blessed enough to see another year in good health. That for me is enough and outweighs any amount of loneliness that might creep in. I have also accomplished so much this year. I’ve written an e-Book, created a web series, spoke at events, and much more. I am truly blessed. I have a place to live, food to eat, wonderful friends and family, and most importantly I have a God that loves me and never gives up on me.

If you’re struggling this year, think about what you DO have. That spouse will come when it’s the right time honey! And you can add him to your list of what you DO have in the future. I found this clip of Tamera Mowry Housely talking about being single during the holidays, and it encouraged me. I hope it encourages you as well!